Don't Stress

        In this day in age, it is very big to have a "cheat day" or to "treat yourself" when the going gets tough and you just need time for yourself. Generally, this would only be truly accepted in our culture if the person is hard working, stressed, and needs a chance to relax . But what are some things that bring stress to a family? Can these stressors make or break a family structure?
       Here is a list of things that can put stress on an individual and a family. As you read through the list, there may be one or a few things that you see in your own lives.

• Finances
• School work/ Academics
• Finding work/ stress at work
• Health Problems
• Loss of a loved one
• Balance of responsibilities
• Social Life
• Unsafe environment
• Bullying
• Social Media
• Life Planning
• Making sure needs are met for yourself and your family
• Balancing selfishness/selflessness
• Needs versus wants
• Disabilities
• Unhappy with self image
• Struggle with time management
• Struggle with finding self/personality
• Struggle with patience
• Learning new skills
• Fear of judgement                                                                                                                        There are many more different things that can cause stress, as well as things that can manifest because of stress. The manifestations can cause even more stress on an individual and family when a negative stress cycle is formed. These manifestations can include drug and alcohol addiction, eating disorders, mental and physical tolls, and/or unhealthy behavior resulting in family tares. A negative stress cycle can be seen in this example: A man is having trouble at work and is stressing over a deadline. He decides to take the load off by going to the bar and getting a few drinks. Over time and as work stress amplifies, so does his drinking habits. He starts losing control and takes his anger out on his wife and children. His wife doesn't want to confront him because she knows he is stressed, she is scared he will get more violent if she brings it up, and/or she is afraid to leave because she would have to start life from scratch. The family dynamic begins to shift and the respect towards the father and mother from the children begins to change. 

          Sadly, this kind of story is not foreign and affects many families. Thankfully, there are support groups, help shelters, law enforcers, and counselors who can help in these serious situations. On the flip side, how can we prevent stress from becoming negative and ruining a family dynamic over time? The key to any problem in a family, especially when stress is involved, is communication. Sometimes, stress can actually be helpful and healthy. It is meant to be used as a healthy motivator for us to do all that we need to in life. In a marital standpoint, you and your partner are both humans with stress in your lives. Who better than to discuss what's going on in your life with the person who shares life with you? Please do not feel afraid to communicate what is stressing you out with your partner and brainstorming solutions. If you do not have a partner to discuss with or you feel that the communication barrier between you and your partner needs to be worked on, then I would advise seeking help from a counselor, a friend, a family member, or a support group to receive some extra help and support to keep the stress safe and not manifest itself in unhealthy ways. 

Until next time,

Toni Jo Despain