This week in class we talked about the subject that is, personally, my favorite: marriage! Now, I am well aware that my emotions towards marriage are not always shared by the general public. However, whether one likes it or not, marriage is a huge part of everyone's lives, no matter who or where they are. But, what needs to happen before marriage? That's right, dating.
When is the last time you went on a date that didn't seem pressured or awkward or with someone who you could trust? Do you often feel like dating is a "lost art" or that the roles in dating are often skewed? Or maybe you find that you hang-out more than date? Well, you're not the only one who has felt this way or have experienced such things. In fact, what inclines one to date, the roles in dating, and shared similarities between two people are what predicts a marriage.
When dating, remember the three "p's" : planned/planning, paid for, and paired off. The difference between a date and a hangout is an activity that is planned. Whether it is planned by the boy or the girl, make sure that the plan is something fun, safe, and logical. An example would be if you take a date on a hike, good planning would be knowing where the hike is, you have all of the safety precautions, and that you and your date have the proper attire. Be attentive of your date and make sure they are having fun. A date doesn't always have to be paid for or expensive, but when it is, make sure you and your date knows who is paying. A good rule of thumb is to have the person who asked be the person who pays. Many people tend to go on group dates or out with friends which is fine, but make sure you know who your date is in that group date. None of these are meant to cause offense, but advice. From experience, I know how hard it may be to come up with activities to do, especially when money may be tight. It is ok to stay home and watch a movie and eat food as long as it is intentional.
Along with the three "'p's", there is another set that directly correlates: preside with planned, provide with paired for, and protect with paired off. Preside and don't be wishy-washy with your plans, be the one who provides the material or means of pay for the date if that is what was decided by the both of you, and honor your date and protect them at all costs. Do not take advantage of them or their time. It is not fair to you or your date.
Now that we have established the art of dating, let's move on to love and marriage. The biggest predictors of a successful marriage are how we date, similarities that are shared, and the propinquity (which is a fancy word for proximity and access to the person. Feel free to use this word to sound smart at parties.) You are most likely to find the right match if you share common ground and are in close proximity with the person. Of course, there are always people who are an exception, but these just general rules of thumb and advice that works for a fair majority. Before marriage, remember that it is ok to have personal space. Don't date until you hate, meaning that it is wise not to spend every bit of time with someone that you end up hating them and becoming incredibly annoyed. With the intentional time (at least twice a week), it is better to be satisfied and grateful for the time spent together. Make sure to have good and open communication with your significant other, and watch your reactions when asked on dates because it is ok to show excitement. Encourage talking on the phone or face-to-face rather than texting so there is no miscommunication. It is ok if the relationship doesn't work out or start at all, but don't break hearts because of your broken courage.
When you hear the word "love", what do you think of? The Princess Bride? Maybe your favorite song or heart shaped clouds with a dozen roses and a box of chocolate? Would it surprise you if I told you that there are four different kinds of love? It surprised me until I realized what they were and had experienced them myself. Let's go down the list: Agape is charity or love for another person, such as a stranger. Eros is passion, usually between a man and a women, and can be sexual but it doesn't have to be. Storge (pronounced store-gae) is a parent/ child relationship. Lastly, philia is love between friends, or is also known as brotherly love. Believe it or not, no one can survive without love, just like no one can survive without food or water. We need love to survive, so please remember to give love as well as receive it. Do not close yourself off or you will find yourself to be figuratively (and literally in extreme cases) starved. But do not be deceived and "fall" into love. As my teacher said, we usually avoid falling; wouldn't it be better to grow love? This is different than finding someone to be attractive and immediately feeling the need to get to know them. That is often mistaken as falling in love, but it merely being attracted. Remember, nothing is perfect, but through trial and error, and successful marriage will come. It will be between you and your spouse to make this happen.
Until next time,
Toni Jo Despain
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